Hello Again!

I haven’t really been here for a while. And now, Ive decided to take ACTION. So, here’s my plan. I’ll try to update the blog weekly, with things I found interesting, be it a certain website, video, or anything else I find awesome. If my very few readers want me to, I’ll also put a score. Please though, get angry at me if a post doesn’t come that week and I have no reason for it not to. So here’s my start: FREEMAN’S MIND. I’m sure most people have heard of it, and it’s EXCELLENT. But also, and equally funny thing is Civil Protection, by the same person, Ross Scott. It’s on this page: http://civil-protection.blogspot.com/

Why Hello There!

Hello! It’s summer now! Unless you’re in the southern hemisphere. In which case it’s winter. But we don’t care about you guys down there. We’re too busy enjoying sunlight. And in case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been blogging too much this summer. Hopefully, that’ll change. No promises.

Really?

I was recently browsing some sites on December 21, 2012. Heck of a lot of conspiracy of what happens then. People are saying the world is going to end. But really? This is something they say about what’s going to happen.

Elsewhere in the Solar System

On Europa, the ice moon of Jupiter, the sentient cephalopods wait patiently. These luminescent cuttlefish tell their ancient stories through the patterns of light on their bodies. Theirs is a very complex non-liner language totally incomprehensible to we sentient simians. They know that soon the atmosphere of Jupiter will clear. Europa and her three sisters will be bathed in a gentle infrared glow. The ice will melt and they will see the stars from which they came.

At Saturn the rings, which are the debris of a brutal assault on the solar system, will be collected and returned to the asteroid belt. Pluto will also be returned to its orbit between Mars and Jupiter. Tiamat will be reassemble and rehyrtated from the Ort Cloud. Mars and Venus will also be rehydrated and all orbits brought back into harmony.

So Jupiter will no longer be a gas planet? And Pluto was originally an asteroid? I’m sorry, but this is absolute BULLSHIT. Pluto is from the Kuiper Belt! NOT the Asteroid Belt! Jupiter is NOT going to suddenly have all the gas go away! It’s like the people find the sketchiest scientific findings, and stick em together to support a ridiculous claim! NOWHERE does the Bible say “Hey! The worlds ends on this day, here’s what happens, and there ya go!” NO! I’m sorry, but it’s ridiculous that people even believe this! It’s not “Oh! Wow! This is real! I have such a small brain, that people with SMALLER brains can think for me!”

1000.

I have over 1000 hits. And now, so what. 1000 people have looked at this site. Oh boy. I think that isn’t unique hits. So I can probably safely stick that number around 500 individuals. More updates soon, I have lots of nothing to be doing.

A flying toilet?

I realize that most of my posts recently have been rants. Time to remedy that with a list of things to do if something that never happens happens.

IF YOUR TOILET STARTS TO FLY:

Take your rifle. Shoot it. Cook it, and you shall have fresh roasted toilet for dinner. Which would taste like crap. Literally.

IF YOUR SHIRT SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTS

Run around wildly, waving your arms in circles, until someone notices and gets a fire extinguisher. Or you could endure the pain to take it off. Or let it fall off…

IF YOU START TO FLY:

Not in an airplane. Keep flying, and then think of how you did, and then tell me. And then go in a headfirst dive at the ground, and pull up at the last second. You should land lightly on your feet. If not, bye.

IF YOUR PEN/PENCIL COMES TO LIFE AND TRIES TO STAB YOU:

Take anything nearby that you can throw, (pillows work nicely) and throw it at the pen/pencil. This should knock it over, and it can only roll at you now. If it has a clip, problem solved, it’ll stop rolling, but approach with caution. If it has no clip, jump at it and land on it when it is rolling. Then (for both cases) grab it carefully, and toss it into your homemade incinerator. Or just snap it in half.

IF YOUR EYES IMPLODE:

Do as Paul in Dune. See without eyes! And if you can’t do that, ask someone to direct you to the nearest desert so you can walk off into it majestically. And then a sand worm eats you.

IF YOUR HOUSE IMPLODES:

Find a passageway, and DO NOT attempt to widen it. If you disturb an important bit, it’ll smash down around you, and most likely kill you. Crawl very carefully through this passageway, provided it is going outward. If you can see a point of light, go to that. Unless it’s nighttime. Then go away from that. You should eventually reach something that should lead outside to the zombie uprising.

IF YOU ARE ATTACKED BY THE HOMO MORTUUS:

A zombie. Take your shotgun (it’s America. Everyone has one. If you don’t, don’t whine to me. I am set for the imminent zombie uprising) and shoot its HEAD. Shooting the body will not do anything. You MUST AIM FOR THE HEAD. With its nervous system in pieces, it should die. Run to a countryside. People in cities will not survive.

IF YOU ARE FORCED TO LOOK SMART:

Act like you know at least something. If not, act smart. Say things that make you seem smart, but actually everyone knows. USE BIG WORDS OFTEN.

IF YOUR HEAD EXPLODES:

You’re dead. Your head exploded. Even I, in my infinite wisdom, cannot help you.

IF YOU DIE:

Hope you didn’t give anything in your will to the person who killed you.

IF YOU GET FROZEN:

Don’t panic. In fact, don’t move. Just sit there, frozen, until a nice person with a flamethrower warms you a up a bit.

IF YOU ARE BURNED WITH A FLAMETHROWER:

Scream wildly, and if you can, jump off something for dramatic effect before dying.

IF YOU READ THIS LIST AND LIKE IT:

Comment on it, saying “I like this post.”

IF YOU ARE CHUCK NORRIS’D:

Sorry. No can do there. See, Chuck Norris is just too awesome for you.

Look! A NEW shiny thing!

Technology is good. Except to the people whose jobs it takes. At least, that’s what they would like us to think. However, if they would stop whining about their old job, they would have a nicer new one. Like plays. People don’t go to those much anymore, unless they’re impressing someone and want to look sophisticated (my tip: arch your eyebrows, stroke your beard (or chin) and say “intriguing” in a funny accent), or if they genuinely enjoy the arts. Now, instead of going and watching the plays, we go to a movie. Doesn’t quite deliver the same experience as a play.

Technology also plays a role in the entire economy of the world. Think of this. We’re running out of fuel for our cars and planes and things. Fuel prices go up. That makes the price for transportation of goods go up. So, to make the people have less lost money in transportation prices, the price of the goods go up. That gives the person who buys it less money. However, if a new device comes out that suddenly makes transportation really cheap, then the prices of everything go down. Recap: Transportation price up, goods price up. Transportation price down, goods price down.

Here comes another worry with technology: Standardization. If this shiny bit doesn’t work with this shiny bit, what shall we do? We can’t do anything. We’ll have to get a new shiny bit to act as a translator for the two. If we just have both things understand the same stuff, goodbye translator. That’s a big problem in new technology. What if I have Gizmo 1, and the person I want to give something to has Gizmo 2? And what if Gizmo 2 reads a different format than Gizmo 1? Either I need a Gizmo 2, or they need a Gizmo 1. And of course I would end up getting the Gizmo 2, because it has a higher number at the end of it, so it must be better. But then, I still have the neato thing on Gizmo 1? I need to get it to my Gizmo 2 so I can give it to that person. Well, I’m out of luck. Why? Because I need an entirely new Gizmo just to transfer the stuff. If we just standardize the things, then we wouldn’t be here! It would be “Hey, this bit’s really nifty!” “Cool! Send it to me!” “Okay!” and *bing*, sent. What it is, is “Hey, this bit’s really nifty!” “Cool, send it to me!” “Wait. I can’t do that. The machines aren’t compatible.” That’s why Linux is pretty awesome. It can’t do something you want it to? Then write what you want it to do in, and bang. You’re done.

Another issue is efficiency. What if I can’t afford to have that new SportyCar 2000? What if it uses too much of whatever fuel it uses? What if it for some reason has a spare part that doesn’t do anything, but if it breaks, the whole car breaks down? (I’m looking at YOU, appendix. You don’t do anything! Why do I need you! If you burst, I die. But you don’t do anything for me! If I don’t do anything, you don’t get to stay there!) That’s a problem with Meebo. It’s a great idea, letting you talk to any chat application from any chat application. The only thing is, it goes through your computer, then through their servers, and then through your friends’ computer. And throughout this whole time, it’s been racing through an Internet. Unfortunately, what if your bandwidth for some reason is low that day? What if your friends is? Clogs up the whole system.

Yet another problem is getting rid of it. I just bought the Gizmo 2! What should I do with my Gizmo 1? Certainly not keep it, it’s a piece of obsolete junk. Can’t sell it, no one wants it. So what should I do? I’m not going to throw it away, that’s terrible for the environment, it’s made of plastic. So, the only really good thing to do with it is recycle. But the places that take it from me might not recycle it, they might just melt it down and sell the raw materials. Which I suppose is recycling, but why do they get the money from my Gizmo 1 that they told me they would recycle? Shouldn’t I get a piece of the sales? After all, if I didn’t give them my Gizmo, where would they be?

With all these shortcomings, technology still is really awesome. Where would cavemen be without Fire v2? (electricity.) They would still be fighting each other about someone stealing a pig, and how that pig was the only pig that the other one had. Thankfully, now we can fight about someone having a big thing that’ll blow half the planet away, and how we’re so mad that they have, so we’re going to take it away. (Hello, how are you Iraq?) We can also do things a lot more efficiently. So now, we get to make things BETTER and FASTER and STRONGER than that old Gizmo 1. Or, if we just want to improve on something, we can make a new version of that old Gizmo 1, but with better functionality, like Gizmo 2 adaptations so it can send stuff to it, and then we call it the Gizmo 1 Pro. Because if it’s Pro, it’s certainly better than Home. (WHY, Windows?)

Also, adaptivity of technology is awesome. If you want to have a better Gizmo, someone is going to make a better Gizmo. They might even call it the Thingamajig. Or, to appeal to the Linux/open source crowd, the 741ng4m4j1g. Or just the Thingamajig 1337. Anyway, we didn’t make looms for no reason. They are certainly easier than knitting things, and definitely faster. But, with the speed of technology, if you don’t keep up, 1) you shall be rickrolled, 2) you shall have incompatible stuff, and you shall most likely be annoyed how your Gizmo 1 just stopped being supported by Gizmo International, and how as soon as they did that, you need tech support.

If you don’t keep up with technology, you’ll most likely be in the clear. Video games will eventually fall out of style, and you, you who didn’t care, can start the digital revolution all over again. You can simply go up to a person and say, hey, isn’t this a great little gizmo, and they will say THAT’S AWESOME! and start a company making these things. And then, you who didn’t care, can be on the cutting edge. Or, you could just be on the cutting edge right now. Which is nice. Because then, as soon as the Gizmo 3 comes out, you have it and get to show it to all of your friends, and say that’s it’s awesome, and how much of a shame it is that they don’t have one.

Another thing that’s bad about technology is the efficiency. I know I’ve covered this, but i just thought of this bit. It’s taken me over an hour from start to finish to type this. If I could type as fast as I can think, I would be done in about fifteen minutes. However, I can’t type that fast. And unlike some people, I manage to not type 100 words a minute. If I had a microphone sitting here at my computer, how convenient, but still. Technology can’t just put that up on WordPress. Technology needs to convert it to words, so you can read it. However, with today’s flawed technology, Technology can’t understand me, and I spend more time fixing the mistakes then I do saying it. So, until a faster medium of input comes out, I shall be here, typing into space, so the people looking at this can say “Hey. This guy is right. We need to do something about this technology thing, and make it better.” Even if you don’t think I’m right. The benefits of technology certainly make it nice, but the downsides make it inconvenient. It’s better than scratching it in bark or stone.

Can we please stop ripping off ideas?

Okay, if you’re going to make it better, then go ahead. But everyone else, who just is stealing an idea, please go away. And don’t come back.

One of the most important recent inventions is renewable energy. Lots of people making it better. NOT MUCH ELSE HAS CHANGED. In consumer things, the companies add a bit more buttons, maybe upgrade a motor here and there, and sell it as a whole new thing. No innovation much anymore. Yes, we do live in the modern era, but no, this is not an excuse to stick with what works fine. Gas lighting worked fine, but do you see us still using it? No. Edison created a nice lightbulb just so we could use electricity well.

However, knockoffs are not okay. Asia, I’m looking at you. Yes, you made fuel efficient cars, and you make neat technology, but the thing is, the newest thing that you have brought the world was a really long time ago. It’s like a certain saying: “If it ain’t broke, make it better.” Some of you may think that saying was different. Not anymore. Yes, improving on an idea is great. But as humans must do every once in a while, change in ideas is better. If we didn’t have as many people thinking that they could get a free ride by taking someone else’s idea and adding a doohickey, we would be on Mars. Right now. And I would live there with my flying car. Who is sentient. But no! Too many people think that improving is good enough. No, innovating is good enough. Totally reworking physics to suit the human race’s needs is great.

But seriously, if you think that you can get a free ride, you’ve come to the wrong place. With global warming and depletion of natural resources, we need new ideas fast. Start thinking. (Better dishwashwer? Better solar panel? Better home insulator?)

Internet: ROUND TWO!

Fight! No, I won’t make you and the internet fight. It would murder you. Have you seen some of this stuff? Anyway, since my first post about the internet went over well, and people didn’t get really mad at me… I’ve decided to bring it back for round two. Why stop at just making the internet a state? It could be a country! You could even have wars there! WITH NO CASUALTIES! It would be better that way, and then we would also have different game modes to play on! Tired of team deathmatch? Team CTF! Yay for all. However, there are certain things on the internet that would have to be banned. I think you can figure out what I mean. And they would have to establish a government for the People’s Republic of the Internet. So, I recommend a monarchy. I’ll be monarch, if that’s okay with you peons. Just kidding. People can do anything they want on the internet, so a democracy it shall be. And their would need to be some form of building for the leader. May I recommend we put a second home type icon in all web browsers? Click on it, poof. Instantly go to the place of the leader. And for prisons? Make everyone login after opening their internet browser, and if they have been doing something bad, stick them in lockdown. Just a blank page, saying “You are in InterPrison.” Where would this republic be, though? We already have the Internet state in the Bermuda Triangle, so I recommend Antarctica. No one lives there anyway, and this way, we wouldn’t have to worry about servers overheating! And for anything else we need, there’s coders out there. We can hire them! Don’t worry, they will be the best citizens of the Internet, so they’ll do it as community service. So, ready to form this Republic. I am too. Who wants to help!

For your knowledge, I’ve been having trouble thinking of good topics to do things like these on. If you’d like me to do one on something, then send that idea to me, however you feel like.

MUSIC! Fact or Fiction?

Duh. It’s fact! Anyone who doesn’t get that is an idiot. Seriously. Music exists. For all of you non-musical people, a brief history of music.

Music has been around for a really, REALLY long time. You know how old that really old guy down the street is? Longer than that. Heck, it’s older than that big tree over there. It’s been around since humans came around. The first caveman probably was all like “ugga ugg!” in a tune and decided he liked it. However, the first written music only came around in about the 1000s. From there, we’ve been through many ages of music and styles, and they’ve all been pretty good. Besides a few of them…

Brief history over. So. As you probably can’t tell, music has been around for as long, or longer than the human race. (seriously. BIRDS!) Anyway, music kicks some serious ass. Except glorified rhythm. I call rap glorified rhythm. It may be interesting, but all it is is a person, saying how they 1)beat up/killed/hate someone 2)had sex with someone or 3)got drunk/high/stoned out of their mind. (don’t laugh yet rock and roll, you’re better, but same concept.) Essentially, rap is people talking about these things, with a background of heavy bass. Rock and roll at least has melodies and something other than a rhythm! What music should be is something that contains at least three of the following. Rhythm, Melody, Countermelody, lyrics. Rap has two. Can we just call it a rhythm with words now? PLEASE??? Can we stop throwing our money at these people? If not, WHY!

BLOG REVIEW: Camsworld

For your knowledge, all future posts are intended to be satirical in nature. The reviews, however, are not. If you dislike them, you may think of them as satirical.

This above blog is very good. It’s done by a friend of mine, and he manages to be slightly funny with it, while delivering news of important things happening in the world. Also, his grammar is excellent, to my limited knowledge of grammar. His news isn’t really something to be used in the world as a guide for anything, (for that I recommend The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. All of them.) instead to be used as just a source for cool information. Every source he uses can also be checked out to be very reliable, unless suddenly NPR and other news things suddenly start making everything up. So just so all of you realize, this blog is now good for satire, and that blog is now good for neat news topics. Link to it : http://camsworld.wordpress.com/ In all, with my new restaurant rating system: Three stars (out of three). The steak is quite excellent, as is the lobster, and both come served garnished with parsley sprigs.